Last night after momma wach suggested I be put on a “mild anti-depressant” she and I were discussing the fact that our new neighbor is a VP of drama development at CBS.
I told her I thought that it’s too bad that he’s not in comedy.
To which she asked if I was feeling particularly funny these days.
I should mention that I was crying at the time.
So I choked out a, “no.”
“Well why don’t you write a drama right now then?”
“Cause they’re not funny.”
This made me laugh. but i was still crying so then I choked a little.

Today, I’m FIIIiiiiiine but crying again so I decided to multi-task.
If I’m already gonna get my face all wet, I might as well save time and cry in the shower.
So now I know, first hand, where rape showers (ever seen a movie where someone gets raped? they ALWAYS cut away from the actual mis-deed to the girl scrubbing herself raw [the worse the rape the scratchier the scrubber: bar of soap = SM rape, washcloth or those liquid soap poof things = Med rape, loofah = LG rape] in the shower, hysterical. This is what I call a Rape Shower.) are born.
You can barely even tell that you’re crying in there, it’s nice and hot (I don’t know about you but my body feels like an ice pop when I cry), and it cleans away any evidence.
Later, I met up with SB where she nicely suggested/recommended adding some Wellbutrin to my life. An anti-depressant.
That’s makes two! All I need is one more so on Thursday I will meet with my brand new first time ever $250/hour shrink who will likely third the motion and pass it into effect.

So thank you to #1 mama jo wachner, for telling me to consider writing drama instead of picking a new career.   

I don’t understand ‘Forgiveness.’ That is not to say that I don’t do it…I just don’t get it, conceptually.

I spent pretty much all night last night reading the wikipedia entry on this word, or notion, or process and I’ma share with you my Mr. Toad style wild ride from confused blog to drunk sinning confused blog in hell.

I’m gonna use the make-believe for this one.

Imagine please, that Jean Luc, terrified at the prospect of meeting his girlfriend Magdalena’s parents (Henri and Genevieve), has them turned into Down Syndrome kittens instead (still named Henri and Genevieve). Several months after Magdalena accepted the fact that they’d never learn how to use a litterbox, Jean Luc decides he isn’t really ready to commit to Magdalena anyway and fesses up.

Maybe Jean Luc apologizes. Or doesn’t apologize, it doesn’t even matter.

Because Magdalena now has to burn his stuff, cry into a trough of profiteroles, seek professional help or do whatever it is she needs to do in order to accept Jean Luc’s dickery, let it go, and go forth with life as an unwounded happy-like orphan lady.

I’m with me up till here. I get that it’s bad for Magdalena to stay the victim, to be angry and resentful.

The part that I don’t get is how forgiveness affects Jean Luc, or is this just a connotion? If Jean Luc asks Magdalena for forgiveness, he isn’t asking her to heal herself. He is asking for his speciest behavior to be excused, for them to be “friends” and or for things to get naked again, right?

Magdalena can forgive Jean Luc for felintarding her parents. But that is not to say that what Jean Luc did has been erased, it’s just to say that it’s not a source of pain for her anymore. So what then, would make Magdalena, who happens to find parenticide unacceptable, and doesn’t even like cats, special needs or otherwise, even if she was adopted, even if her parents hated jews and she was one, now knowing that he is capable of such craptastic behavior, want to be involved with J.L. in any capacity?
Is there some notion that forgiveness means you’re willing to like the victimizer still, or again, or or be willing to form a new relationship instead of cutting them out of your life?! I lost me.

There are some people that have photographic memories. I call them assholes.
I am the opposite. My retention was depleted by Milton Bradley’s “Memory” game, TV theme song lyrics, and useless even for trivia knowledge (do you know what the word Cahuenga means?).

That said, I double majored in Dramatic Writing and Philosophy (or, as my mom called it, “Unemployment”) and even though gathousands of american dollars were thrown that way, I can remember that I liked Kant, hated metaphysics, and developed funny doodles about unicorns and fagots (look that word up if you think that was a hate word crime) but if you asked me why…well please don’t ask me why.

Lately, (like, since yesterday) I’ve been thinking about what the difference is between Character and Personality. Specifically, do they or can they change? And I know that I studied this when I was like 19, but I can’t remember to take my socks off before getting into bed most nights, so clearly, I turned to my friend, the internet for re-remembering.

I’d like to share with “you” what Johnny Knuckles has to say about it cause I think it’s pretty effin’ brills. Who are you Mr. Knuckles, I’m not sure you answered all my questions, but I think I’m in love:

(ok, i am a webtard and can’t figure out how to re-post his blog post here so either click on the link above or read it x+paste style here)

Personality vs Character
Many of you groin-grabbing fucktards– wait, hold on. Let Knuckles start again. Just noticed an alarming lack of epithets on this site lately and panicked.

Alright, today’s sermon from Father Knuckles is the confusion between personality and character. It’s important to know the difference between the two. Especially during times of war and when you’re dating.

Personality traits are individual, subjective and vary widely.

Character traits are constant, objective and timeless.

Character traits include honesty, trust, respect, responsibility, leadership, loyalty and courage. One’s character can be objectively judged. Character is defined as right or wrong. Character, despite its detractors, can be taught. However educators are bypassing the difficulty of teaching character and have gone directly to self-esteem, the reward of strong character. But without character, self-esteem is a hollow concept.

And while character traits are universal, each individual has the choice to accept or reject them. One of character’s best features is that you can do them without conviction and the end result is the same. For instance, a coward can recognize he’s a coward yet still perform an act of bravery and no one will fault him acting out of character.

Personality is subjective. It includes your sense of humor (or lack of), whether you’re outgoing or shy, friendly or stoic, your interests, passions, and the list goes on. While some people have well-developed personalities, their character sucks and you eventually avoid them even though “they’re a lot of fun.”

Taking the historical big-picture long view, personality is neither right nor wrong. Some people will like any particular personality and others won’t. (You’re thinking Knuckles is trying to justify his crappy personality. But you would be wrong. Knuckles is a pantload of fun.) And while someone’s basic personality never changes, it can be improved with exposure to the arts, people, travel, reading, hobbies, and pilgrimages to the holy site of this blog.

To sum:

Clinton has personality.
Bush has character.
Kerry has neither.

Bless you and fuck off, er, go forth and multiply.

Father Knuckles

seriously love him. but to bring this full question mark (there’s no way it’s sensical enough to be a circle), if you have a photographic memory could you ever not be an asshole? I seem to remember my philosophy professor saying that one of the two was unchanging. it was either personality… or character. what what?
-mama knuckles

(my The Secret style attempt.)

But what does that mean, really, when you live in Los Angeles whose seasons are Flood, Drought, Fire, and Earthquake?

It means a couple things:

#1. Instead of being hot during the day and cool at night, it’s hot during the day and warm at night.

This will soon be followed by hot during the day and hot still at night.

#1#2. Everyone is dumping everyone.

Spring Fever, the second stage of this process, will hit next. But before everyone starts throwing the Eff to everyone, in public too no less, the veil of winter depression and darkness and Seasonal Affective Disorder lifts and is replaced with Toxic Self Interest*. Suddenly people think they should trade up. “You deserve better” and “But I still want to be friends” and “We’ve grown apart” are very much in bloom right now.
Rest assured tho, that before the summer dust settles, everyone will be right back in relationship jail (new and hopefully improved!). Because once you’ve seen someone at their personal sweatiest, Sunday brunch’d three times with your shared puppy (who is ugly and therefore cute, lookin’ at you chihuahua, pug and boston terrier) and agreed to see that shitty summer blockbuster, now with extra CGI, just so you can bask in someone else’s cold air, your shared cell has been slammed shut…until next spring.

*term coined by Quinn Heraty, genius.

So you (who exactly, I’m not sure) may have noticed that this site has undergone a make-under. SB has decided to take her funny elsewhere, and with it went half the words, all the pretty and most of the heart of this site. But not to worry…you…I hate self promotion enough for ten women! Nay, all women! No, all non-actors! So while I half-try to learn HTML or whatever nerd language is required to wrangle my English onto “your” contuter screens please add The Sunapee Manatee to your blog roll or whatever you call it and leave her nice comments n things.

It actually broke down to like, .003 cents per word, but still! I got to go to the Battlestar Galactica offices and have lunch with one of my heroes and interview the president of the Writer’s Guild! My first article as the new TV Writer Writer for www.mediabistro.com hit computer screens today.
Breaking in to TV Writing

TV writers dish on how they got their start writing for the small screen

By Andrea Wachner – October 22, 2007

Most people who’ve ever watched television think they can write for it. Most
people who’ve never watched television think they can write for it. The guy
who just sold me my television thinks he has a screenplay. From their
overstuffed couches, viewers assume that being able to predict the next line
of dialogue before it’s spoken entitles them to be in the My Name is Earl
writers’ room, when what it actually signals is just how hard the task
really is — so hard that experienced writers often fail. “A lot of people
think TV is a thing you do from your home in your spare time,” says Jane
Espenson, a writer on Battlestar Galactica. “It seems like a career you can
get into if you’ve already got a job. But it’s not.”

How can you get in? According to my research, there are four ways, no ways,
and also an infinite number of ever-changing ways to get work writing for
television, and being a good writer is only half the battle. Maybe less.
Getting a job writing for television can be harder than dating, and just as
serendipitous. So whenever I meet someone who’s been successful in
TV-writing, I get them to tell me how. While there is no equivalent to JDate
for hungry writers, stories I’ve heard of how people got their start run the
gamut from infuriating to inspiring.

you can read the rest of the article here.

California is OCD over Chicken.** The Food Pyramid, which you might remember as the Four Food Groups, of Los Angeles are: Chicken, Tacos, Thai food, and Sushi.

My exciting new blog-hobby is to keep a list of the names of all the chicken-centric food serving establishments I see, most of which are in the Literalz! style of naming, and many of which include the word California. How fun!

Yes, I am vegan.

1. Koo-Koo-Roo

2. El Pollo Loco

3. KFC

4. Star Chicken

5. California Chicken Cafe

6. Zankou Chicken

7. The Chicken Lady

8. Musical Chicken Grill

9. Popeye’s

10. Roscoe’s House of Chicken & Waffles

11. Honey’s Kettle Fried Chicken

12. Roro’s Chicken

13. Kyochon Chicken

14. Birds Rotisserie Chicken Cafe & Bar

15. Pioneer Chicken

16. Pollo A La Brasa Western

17. El Pollo Inka

18. Bill’s Chicken

19. Alwazir Chicken

20. Dinah’s Fried Chicken

21. Louisiana Fried Chicken

22. Amber’s Chicken & Donuts

23. Cal Roasters

24. Charo Chicken

25. Chick’n Chow

26. Chicken Dijon

27. Chicken On Fire (PERSONAL FAVE!)

28. Flame Chicken

29. Juan Pollo

30. Los Pollos

31. Pollo Campero

32. Pollo Grill

33. Pollo Land

34. Reddi Chick

35. Chick Fil A

36. Rotisserie Chicken

37. Rotisserie Chicken Cafe

38. California Rotisserie Chicken Cafe.

39. Spin Rotisserie Chicken

40. Big Chicken

Ok I made up #38, but I’m sure it exists somewhere and I just haven’t seen it yet.

more TK, I’m guessing.

**There’s your one (1!) good thing about LA, SB. You loooove bird boob.

If i had a digital camera I would pepper in some photo-documentation but my shitty cell phone from 2003 and it’s -3 megapixels don’t quite cut it so you’re just gonna have to take my word for it.

Women (and men also) in Los Angeles have too broad a definition of ‘pants’ and wear pants that are not pants.

things that are totally acceptable to wear, outside, in broad daylight include:

STRETCH PANTS/aka leggings aka spandex pants
now this is the biggest offender. Whether covered up or not, and surpisingly they are often NOT, this is just not okay. Many times they are so worn that they’re threadbare and see-through, ripped, and worn not in association with excercise but as general attire in combination with UGG boots. Please god make it stop it burns.

PAJAMA PANTS
granted right now I am in the squalor squat which is conveniently located near UCLA, but I don’t care if you are 12, 25, or 62 it’s not acceptable to wear bed clothes outside, Bruin or not. If you can haul your ass out to Ralph’s (apostrophe please!) for Kettle Chips and Kettle One, than you can haul your ass into some jeans, some dockers, or I’d even prefer some cargo pants.

SWEAT PANTS
sweat pants are just bad. bad bad bad.
ladies, i just don’t understand the whole velour “Juicy” thing either. I’m not sure about this, but I think they might be even worse than regular old fleece. They don’t do right by you down there or by your underwear. do 3-way mirrors not exist in Los Angeles or do women just not care?
speaking of fleece– dudes, please put it away. It doesn’t matter the proximity your D shares to excitement, if you’re wearing sweatpants everyone will know as much about your ween as the last lady to hit the naked wall cause of you. Thinking augmenting your underwear selection is an easy fix is a common misconception, the only fix is to not wear sweatpants and it is oh so easy.

SHORTS
having grown up on the west coast I never understood how in NYC in August’s 103 degree 100% humidity everyone was still walking around in poly poly blend trousers (i’m talking to you Levi’s action slacks). It is hard to look good in warm weather clothes. There aren’t a lot of fashionable options, so in the fashion capital people chose to suffer the sweat. But, there is also leg shame on the East Coast. There is no leg shame here. It doesn’t matter if it’s untolerably hot or not, people here wear short pants. all the time. and it’s not because they are 19th century school boys. I’ll just say this– when Bart hits puberty even he will don trousers like Homer.

PHOTODOCUMENTATION UPDATE: today (keep in mind it was an unseasonable fifty degrees), while working at a nearby cafe (i am a giant cliche) on my new contuter that just happens to have spy like capabilities i was lucky enough to be sitting next to this guy:

MISC.
Ankle length, capri, dress short nightmares.
Unfortunately, these trends are not limited to los angeles, which is why they are going in the miscellaneous section but if you have full length legs then you deserve full length pants. do not accept less.

next up: supermarkets!

there are so many uses:
-to wear whilst driving so that I can easily give the fucktards out here that slam on their breaks when there is a curve in the road or a droplet of rain or a merge sign, feedback
-to cut the awkwardness of all my non-dates when i want them to be over.
-any time i decide it’s a good idea to go to another Sofia Coppola movie.
i’m sure you, dear reader (read: SB) have a few thousand brilliant ideas of your own. Please feel to share them in the comments section (SB, do we have a comments section on up in here?).