there are so many uses:
-to wear whilst driving so that I can easily give the fucktards out here that slam on their breaks when there is a curve in the road or a droplet of rain or a merge sign, feedback
-to cut the awkwardness of all my non-dates when i want them to be over.
-any time i decide it’s a good idea to go to another Sofia Coppola movie.
i’m sure you, dear reader (read: SB) have a few thousand brilliant ideas of your own. Please feel to share them in the comments section (SB, do we have a comments section on up in here?).

and also i own a car.

i’m sure sb will agree that seeing this movie was the only good thing about today. i even hated where we saw the movie (oh my god i was laughing so hard i worked up a sweat) which was at a place called The Grove. The Grove is a field where shopping grows. It is also the out-of-doors ShoppingLand they’ve built Farmer’s Market adjacent (farmer’s market is not an actual farmer’s market in the sense that farmers sell their crops but in the sense that you can buy a bowl of gumbo, raw meat, or a croissandwich). There is a commuter trolley that goes 200 feet (for people who live at The Grove and work at the Farmer’s Market or vice versa). There is a fountain with dancing water and all the stores look like Disneyland’s Main Street USA meets Universal Studio’s (it’s the movies!) lot tour meets Mall of the Americas (farmer’s market [circa 1897] is now its glorified food court). To get to the grove (at 2:30 in the afternoon), 13 miles away, it took three freeways, an hour, and three phone calls from sb wondering what happened.

a possible reason for our crabithaness is that yesterday we had to get back into sb’s car and drive ALL DAY to Visalia, California to pick up my car. Visalia is a horrid place with four taco bell’s located halfway between purgatory and hell. We wanted to go on another road trip about as bad as a woman in labor wants to bone, but now i am the proud owner of THE EXACT SAME CAR AS SB and yes, that is gay but no, we are not.

Borat is a very funny movie.