If i had a digital camera I would pepper in some photo-documentation but my shitty cell phone from 2003 and it’s -3 megapixels don’t quite cut it so you’re just gonna have to take my word for it.

Women (and men also) in Los Angeles have too broad a definition of ‘pants’ and wear pants that are not pants.

things that are totally acceptable to wear, outside, in broad daylight include:

STRETCH PANTS/aka leggings aka spandex pants
now this is the biggest offender. Whether covered up or not, and surpisingly they are often NOT, this is just not okay. Many times they are so worn that they’re threadbare and see-through, ripped, and worn not in association with excercise but as general attire in combination with UGG boots. Please god make it stop it burns.

PAJAMA PANTS
granted right now I am in the squalor squat which is conveniently located near UCLA, but I don’t care if you are 12, 25, or 62 it’s not acceptable to wear bed clothes outside, Bruin or not. If you can haul your ass out to Ralph’s (apostrophe please!) for Kettle Chips and Kettle One, than you can haul your ass into some jeans, some dockers, or I’d even prefer some cargo pants.

SWEAT PANTS
sweat pants are just bad. bad bad bad.
ladies, i just don’t understand the whole velour “Juicy” thing either. I’m not sure about this, but I think they might be even worse than regular old fleece. They don’t do right by you down there or by your underwear. do 3-way mirrors not exist in Los Angeles or do women just not care?
speaking of fleece– dudes, please put it away. It doesn’t matter the proximity your D shares to excitement, if you’re wearing sweatpants everyone will know as much about your ween as the last lady to hit the naked wall cause of you. Thinking augmenting your underwear selection is an easy fix is a common misconception, the only fix is to not wear sweatpants and it is oh so easy.

SHORTS
having grown up on the west coast I never understood how in NYC in August’s 103 degree 100% humidity everyone was still walking around in poly poly blend trousers (i’m talking to you Levi’s action slacks). It is hard to look good in warm weather clothes. There aren’t a lot of fashionable options, so in the fashion capital people chose to suffer the sweat. But, there is also leg shame on the East Coast. There is no leg shame here. It doesn’t matter if it’s untolerably hot or not, people here wear short pants. all the time. and it’s not because they are 19th century school boys. I’ll just say this– when Bart hits puberty even he will don trousers like Homer.

PHOTODOCUMENTATION UPDATE: today (keep in mind it was an unseasonable fifty degrees), while working at a nearby cafe (i am a giant cliche) on my new contuter that just happens to have spy like capabilities i was lucky enough to be sitting next to this guy:

MISC.
Ankle length, capri, dress short nightmares.
Unfortunately, these trends are not limited to los angeles, which is why they are going in the miscellaneous section but if you have full length legs then you deserve full length pants. do not accept less.

next up: supermarkets!