Getting representation is hard! Nobody believes in me more than my Grandma!
So, last time she called for her weekly interrogation –> disapproval –> advisory session on “what I’m doing to break-in” I told her to put her money where her mouth is.
We agreed that I’d send her and her 89 years of spunk thru the William Morris Agent Training Program. Now, I know what you’re thinking, Why William Morris?” I’ll tell you why; because according to the Princeton Review of Jobs, “In operation for more than a century, William Morris Agency is the oldest and largest talent and literary agency in the world.” Oldest agency; old lady, seemed a perfect fit. Also, “WMA does seem to make an effort to hire significant numbers of women and minorities into entry-level positions.” Gramma’s got both, so that’s two birds, one Jew for them! And then there’s the fact that, ironically, I know someone there that can get her the job.
She was totally cool with the seven day work week (if you just keep telling her it’s Wednesday), being on the receiving end of a lot of yelling (she’s a little hard of hearing anyway), and the obligatory trainee dog collar (it matches her medic-alert bracelet) but she was a bit concerned that the $400/week salary would interfere with her cushy social security benefits.
According to their quadruple X website, “Trainees start in the mailroom where they generally spend four to six months sorting, routing and delivering mail, manuscripts, packages and internal documents.” According to Grandma, the mail cart is a smoother wheel than her walker, and she’s getting lots of hugs on her rounds. Tonight she’s going to one of the agent’s birthday parties at Life and then “the party after.” I don’t expect her to Dial-A-Ride home before 3 or 4 am.
I think the area where she’ll really excel is on someone’s desk. Generally speaking, there’s less room for falling down, and imagine what Nice Grandma nice-grandma.mov and her counterpart Angry Grandma angry-grandma.mov could do if it was Sumner Redstone she was leaving messages for and not me.
In the meantime, I’m writing writing writing so that 2-5 years from now, G-d willing, when she’s made a full-fledged agent, she can tell me all the reasons why my stable of work won’t sell, hip-pocket me, and stop returning my calls.